the hard "no"

“I’m sorry. You’re a super wonderful guy… but no.”

This has been happening to me a lot lately… I’ve had to say the hard “no”, on average, at least once a month since becoming single again back in August. But it all seems to be concentrated into the past 2 months or so. Is this God’s way of telling me I’m ready to date again? Or is it just that the guys I’m around see something they like and they go for it? The hard thing is that, lately, it’s been nothing but great guys doing the asking. But they’re all wrong for me in some way, shape or form.

I don’t consider myself too picky, I just know what I want and, more importantly, what I need. One of my past boyfriends was actually 85% what I need. He knew how to handle my neurotic tendencies. He knew how to handle my anger (and the fact that, when I fly off the handle, he needed to get ready for a pretty wild and lengthy ride). He knew how to make me laugh, how to make me genuinely happy. So, in a way, I’m looking for another him. But in a totally different way. I now know mostly what I need… I’m just narrowing down the rest of it and the “what I want”. I was walking with a friend of mine the other day and I actually created an almost complete list of what I know I need. But I’m not going to list that here. Face it - blogs are personal enough, but the list is a little too personal to broadcast on the internet. God knows what’s included on that list and and He’ll provide exactly what I need and want - maybe even throw in a few surprises, too!

I’m not going to lie. I’m ready to date again. But I’m not actively looking. I’m not also looking at every guy I meet thinking, “Hmm, he’d be a great guy to date. He should ask me out.” It’s just not happening. God will bring me who I’m supposed to be with. And he’s going to be great. This is the longest length of time I’ve been single in a long time and I’m actually enjoying it. For awhile I was afraid that I’d be one of those people who couldn’t be alone. But look at me - 8 months or so and I’m still going strong. When I was younger I used to wonder if every guy I met was “the one”. Now I just see these guys as potential friends. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to date someone. But I only want to date someone when it’s right that I do. Nothing forced. Nothing read into anything that’s been said or done on the fly. I want to be excited, to be comfortable, to be open to opening myself up again.

So thank you. Thank you for the flattering invitations. But I’m waiting. I’m waiting for the guy who breaks the mold.

ants & three-day weekends

It's a three-day weekend for me. The first of two in a row (almost unheard of at this base lovingly referred to as "Lakenhell"). Pilots are allowed patches on their flight suits called "morale patches". One famous one from our base consists of two guys facing each other, one kicking the other in the groin. The text? "Lakenheath - morale stops here".


Believe it or not, it's true. That's what makes these little surprise/short notice three-day weekends so nice. If we don't know about them in advance, and they just happen, we really do feel like we're appreciated. At least I do.



There seem to be so many options when one is faced with multiple three-day weekends (or, heck, even just one three-day weekend). Unfortunately, I think mine will be spent being responsible - spring cleaning, do some much-needed dishes and laundry, etc.



I also need to call my landlady about my recent (aka happened this morning) ant infestation. No joke... it's nasty. There is a never-ending trail of ants front my front door to a wall inside my living room. The entryway into my living room is currently a black moving stream. I'm trying to keep the ants at bay with chili pepper (I don't have cayenne pepper - that works the best), and it seems to be working. At least right now.

I haven't seen Karen in what seems like decades. She might be staying over this weekend (although I still won't get to see much of her). She has a weekend-long class on Mildenhall, but even seeing her just after her classes is good enough for me. We're WAY overdue a shopping trip. She is my best friend here... Life seems kind of empty without her here for me to make a fool of myself with. She's a great stress reliever for me.


We'll see each other soon. And when we do, watch out Cambridge!