the beginning

So, this is the beginning of my new blog site... it's quite the venture, especially considering I'm horrible at updating things like this (even though I start out with the best of intentions). But, since my sister has one. And she updates it often, maybe that'll inspire me to write more.

I've kind of decided that i'm going to use this as a way to vent. Not necessarily about what I'm upset about, but just a place to write what I'm thinking at any given time. Like right now.

I'm in this weird funk. I feel loved, and I love everyone, but I just feel so alone right now. Maybe it's home sickness. Maybe it's missing everyone who I haven't been around for the past 5 years. I don't know. It's just this feeling I have that I can't shake. Everywhere I turn reminds me of something I'm missing out on... times with Adam, times with my family in Ohio, times with my family in Pennsylvania. When I go home to visit, I feel like an outsider sometimes. I know I'm not an outsider, but I'm always missing the important events in life.

I miss Adam. I want so much to be near him - to be involved in his everyday life. But I can't be. And, to be honest, that is killing me. He said the other day that this year will probably be the hardest year of our lives. I don't doubt it. I just don't want it to get any worse.

I'm ready to come home. I'm ready to be around everyone I love the most (minus a few friends here that I'm dreading leaving behind). I can't really explain this feeling. I've just never wanted so much to be near my family and friends. And knowing that, right now, there's nothing I can do about it isn't really helping.

The military is a great life, I just think I'm ready to be out of it. I love the security of it, but it's taking me away from my family. I want to have a job where I don't have to move once every 3-4 years. I want a job that I can quit if it starts getting really bad. I want a job where I can go talk to someone if I don't feel appreciated. Although, I do enjoy not having to worry about what to wear to work. I do enjoy not having to buy clothes to wear to work... and I do love the clothing allowance (and every other allowance) we get yearly/monthly.

I just really want to be home. I want to be within driving distance of my family and Adam. Heck, I'd even settle for the same timezone.