a kind of (not so) random question

This is a short blog... it's not really a blog. It's a question. I'd appreciate any and all input...

I'm just curious as to what people think...

when someone's trust is betrayed, their first reaction is always "you'll have to earn my trust back." my question is, what does it take for someone to earn one's trust back?

just curious to see your answers...

the Giant is not a Giant anymore...

There's something amazingly refreshing about winning a "fight" when you know that what you stand for is right. The individuals I was fighting against are people I've been fighting against for most of my career. Well, they symbolize all of those people anyway. I can't go into the specifics of what went on, but let me tell you that I fought the good fight (as short-lived as it was). I was indeed stuck between a rock and a hard place. It seemed like no one would take up my side with me. I thought I was going to have to face this Giant alone.

Boy was I wrong.

I knew what I had to do, but I almost let people make me feel bad for choosing to do what I know is right. These people seemingly tried to use their status to bully me into doing what they wanted me to do. All the while making it look like the decision they told me they wanted me to make would be my own.

Today I became a conqueror. Maybe not in a HUGE sense, but in a sense that even the little guy can win sometimes. I am that little man - and I am a conqueror because of it. Not only was I right, but everyone else agreed with me (but I didn't know that at the time).

Now, I don't want to make it sound like I'm infallible or that I think too highly of myself... I'm not and I definitely don't. But the freedom that comes from making the right decision, and to having people back you up, is amazing.

Why are we so afraid to stand up against those we think are better than us? Maybe not better, but those that we perceive to control our collective fates? I've always been afraid to stick up for myself towards certain people, to stand up for something I know is right (but only towards those same certain people). As it turns out, these people make bad decisions, too. Somehow, knowing that (and being directly effected by that) makes it so much easier to stand up when I have to.

I don't know - maybe this isn't making any sense. Maybe this will inspire some of you to make decisions that are in the wings, waiting to be made. Maybe knowing that someone as small as myself, as seemingly insignificant in this huge game called life can make a difference will help.

I just wanted to share my elatedness with you... thanks for sharing in my joy.

doubts, questions and something good

I'm not gonna lie - things at work have SUCKED lately. It seems like every time I get a good handle on things/finally completely understand what's going on, something comes around that shoots me down, throws me for a loop... makes me lose my cool. I know, I know - you're shocked. A Taylor woman would lose her cool? Apparently everyone at work thinks I'm pretty even-keeled except for the past few days.

All of this suckiness is really not helping me make the decisions that need to be made (if not by the middle of this month, then by the end of my enlistment). I know what I want to do, and I'm pretty sure it's the right thing. But people keep on telling me I need to make concrete plans for my future. The problem with that? There is absolutely NO WAY to make concrete plans when you're talking about the military. Or when certain things that you're planning on happening can't happen for awhile because of previously existing circumstances out of your control.

Anyway, that is completely stressing me out. Especially because everyone is offering advice. I'm never against being given advice, I just don't think that the advice should make me question everything I've ever considered doing with my future. But enough about that.

I need to learn to stand up for myself against a certain person. This person thinks I know absolutely nothing about what I do for a living. They try to push me around. The other morning I didn't let them push me around, and they just looked at me w/ HUGE eyes wondering what had happened. I must admit, it felt pretty good to have that happen. I just have to work up the nerve to have a one-on-one (with a chaperone/neutral party, also) with this person to talk stuff out. That might take awhile.

I'm not sure why I felt like writing this, but it has been awhile since I've written anything.

Oh - a family characteristic of mine is to try to find the positive in any situation. Well, I can't really find a positive to that situation, but I have been with Adam for 7 months as of yesterday. And I'm seeing him in just over 4 months. Once I return from that trip, it'll be about a month until I return to the States for good. I'm really excited about that. I would like to know where I'm going to be stationed, but oh well. That'll come. It's gonna be so awesome to be close to family again... and hopefully within driving distance of Adam. Yay.


Adam & me at his Mom's house on 20 Dec 07.